In what can only be described as the NFL’s most perplexing move to date, the Pittsburgh Steelers have announced they will be boycotting all Pride Nights going forward, following the lead of the Kansas City Chiefs. Known for their historically tough defense and their knack for losing Super Bowls to underdog teams, the Steelers are now stepping into a new realm of controversy over rainbows, glitter, and the perceived threats of inclusivity.
At a press conference that felt more like a scene from a dystopian sitcom, Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin outlined the team’s stance, declaring, “We’re here to win football games, not promote a woke agenda. Rainbows in our stadium distract from the grit and determination that define this team. It’s not football—it’s woke, and, quite frankly, satanic.”
The terms “woke” and “satanic” lingered in the air like an overthrown pass by a rookie quarterback, leaving everyone present unsure whether to laugh, cringe, or reassess their understanding of both football and theology.
